Books we'll never see
From: robnykvist@delphi.com (Robert Nykvist)
Canonical Collection of BOOKS you'll Never Read
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Last Updated: 10/17/94
201. "The Modern Woman" by Ima Bitsh
200. "Gun Control" by Bamm Bamm
199. "How to Get AIDS" by Sharon Peters
198. "Beer Drinker's Guide" by Ima Belcher
197. "Wet All Over" by Rainy Skye
196. "Win the PMS Battle" by Les Moody
195. "Hard Life in China" by Rick Shaw
194. "I'm an Alcoholic" by Denton Fenders
193. "Advertisments" by Bill Bored
192. "Baker's Man" by Patty Cake
191. "Her 72 HHH's" by Max A. Mum
190. "Tiping the Outhouse" by John Turner
189. "School Reader" by C. Dick & Jane Ronn
188. "The Big Snitch" by Ima Telling
187. "Fun Times in the Sleeping Bag" by Nap Sack
186. "The Art of Secret Dating" by Rhonda Voo
185. "Temporary Secretary" by Daisy Wheel
184. "The Great Fabrication" by Paul E. Ester
183. "Upstream" by Sam N. Fishing
182. "Popping the BIG One" by Mary Mepleeze
181. "The Pressure of running a Gas Station" by Aaron Datires
180. "Fill in the Box" by Mark Detest
179. "The Art of Shoplifting" by Phil Mypockets
178. "Miss Demeaner" by Park Flasher
177. "Fishing Hole" by Mike Hunt
176. "Suction Power of Prostitutes" by Haywood Jablomee
175. "I don't have no Drinkin Problem!" by Al Coholic
174. "My Dad's a Mortician" by Phil Degraves
173. "Precious Meat" by Sal Ami
172. "Fruity Sex" by Ben D. Bannana
171. "Deep Secrets" by Kant Tellem
170. "Medically Soothing Beverages" by Dr. Pepper
169. "Fly By Night Gift Distribution" by S. Claus
168. "Always Flooding" by Miss S. Hippie
167. "Sex Drive" by Myla Bido
166. "How Radio Works" by Anne Tenna
165. "The Secretary Spread" by Hugh Jass
164. "How to Gain Weight" by Ima Hog
163. "Stinkin Fecal Matter" by Seth Pool
162. "How we got to Bethlehem" by Don Keys
161. "The Virgin Fag" by Ty Tass
160. "How to make your Husband Happy" by Faye Korgasem
159. "Hot times with Hustler" by Paige Turner
158. "Salad Dressings" by Myra Culwhip
157. "How to Tell the Future" by Chris Taball
156. "Magnificent Mounds of Mammary Mass" by Grand Peaks
155. "Halloween Activities" by Bob N. Forapples
154. "Practicing the Fine Art of Sincerity" by Will E. Pulitof
153. "Budget Cuts for 1993" by Bill Clinton
152. "The Electrocuted ChinaMan" by Me Fucke Walsocket
151. "The Ups and Downs of Sperm Banking" by Jack Ulate
150. "7 Days in the Saddle" by Blue Balls
149. "Puddles On the Moon" by P. Miles
148. "First One In" by Buster Hymen
147. "Pain and Sorrow" by Anne Guish
146. "Sunday Service" by Neil Downe
145. "The Laser Weapon" by Ray Gunn
144. "Fade Away" by Peter Out
143. "Don't Wake The Baby by Elsie Cries
142. "Pig-breeding" by Lena Bacon
141. "Making Waterproof Clothes" by Anne O'Rack
140. "Baking Soda" by Armund Hammer
139. "Ten Pins" by Mr Stike
138. "Bilious Attacks" by Eva Lott
137. "Discipline in the Home" by Wilma Child Begood
136. "Late Again" by Misty Buss
135. "Kidnapped" by Caesar Quick
134. "Are you a Millionaire?" by Jonah Lott
133. "Karate for Beginners" by Flora Mugger
132. "My Happiest Day" by Trudy Light
131. "The Strongman" by Everard Muscles
130. "Knocked for Six" by Esau Stars
129. "The Worst Journey in the World" by Ellen Back
128. "The Japanese way of Death" by Harri Kari
127. "A Call for Assistance" by Linda Hand
126. "Willie Win" by Betty Wont
125. "The Arctic Ocean" by I.C. Waters
124. "Don't Go Without Me" by Isa Cummin
123. "Crime Does Not Pay" by Laura Norder
122. "Constipation" by Hunng Doo
121. "The Ruined Sheets" by C. Menstains
120. "Circumcision" by Dick Hertz
119. "Here I Come" by R. U. Reddy
118. "Sand to Glass in 5 Seconds" by Saddem Hussein
117. "The Glass Brassier" by Seymour Tit
116. "Life As a Double Amputee" by Dick Dragon
115. "Sushi Sausage" by Chu Long Dong
114. "Play It Safe" by Justin Case
113. "Running Milk" by I. Suckatit
112. "Elephant's Dong" by Miles Long
111. "Cures For Impotence" by Hugh E. Rection
110. "Puddles on the Moon" by P.P. Longshot
109. "The Broken Bra Strap" by Juan Hung Lo
108. "Traveling Insects" by Bugs Oliver Windshield
107. "The Credit Card" by Wright N. Bills
106. "Spring" by April N. May
105. "Honesty and Integrity in Nicaragua" by George Bush
104. "A Sale of Two Titties" by Madam Lust
103. "Learn how to BBS in 57,176 easy steps" by Dr. Dos
102. "Keep off-topic messages out of echos" by Mod R. Ator
101. "How to Keep Very Old Furniture
Looking as Good as New" by Ann Teak
100. "How to Get Rid of Bullies" by Buzz Off
99. "Professional Boxing" by I. C. Stars
98. "Vietnamese Cuisine Cooking" by Good Doggy
97. "Avoid AIDS - Just Beat It" by Michael Jackson
96. "PC Board Repairman" by Solder Medic
95. "Hawaiian Surfing" by Swell Curls
94. "Parachute Jumping" by Rip Cord
93. "The Danger of Hang Gliding" by Cliff Jumper
92. "A Bolt of Lightning" by Frank N. Stein
91. "The Russian Rabbi" by Ikan Kutchurpekkerof
90. "Feel of Her Panties" by N. Braille
89. "Bite the Big One" by Mary Will-Chokonet
88. "Oral Sex Techniques" by N. Onegulp
And
Elly May Swallow
87. "AIDS in the '90's" by Sharon MacHunt
86. "Catholic School Girls" by Sister Mae B. Ahore
85. "Things Men like Women to Do" by Stroke McGroin
84. "Incest is Best" by Woody Allen
83. "Husband In My Daughter" by Mia Farrow
82. "Things Women like Men to Do" by Lap Hurpussy
81. "Assertiveness" by May Bee
80. "How to Kill Yourself" by Pul D. Triger
79. "The Life of a Prisoner" by Iben Framed
78. "How to Write a Will" by Ben E. Factor
77. "Crowd Control" by General Panic
76. "Explosives Made Easy" by Stan Wellback
"Explosives Made Easy" by Click N. Boom
75. "A Long Walk" by Miss DeBus
74. "Upset Dogs" by Mr. Legs
73. "What Irish people put in there back yard" by Patty o' Furniture
72. "Dark Olden Times" by Knight Time
71. "The Solar System" by P. Lanets & Son
70. "Greasing Your Chicken" by Slick Chick
69. "Look at all the Fucking Indians" by General Custer
68. "Sweet Feminine Hygiene" by Honey Uptwat
67. "Alternatives to Sun Tanning" by Rub Shitonyou
66. "Asstrological Proctology" by Dr Uranus
65. "The Philosophy of Sex" by Ophelia Kant
64. "The Cunning Linguist" by I. Liquoroff
63. "Hit Below the Belt" by Lord Howitt Hertz
62. "Go to Hell" by Hugo First
61. "History of Russian Castrators" by Day Cutchorcockoff
"Untitled Russian Tragedy" by Whobit Chakokoff
60. "The Polish Milkman" by I. Pultitsky
59. "The Man in the Bush" by Rock Hard
58. "The Hawaiian Rape" by Kamanawanna Layanow
57. "Chinese Hernia" by Huan Hung Lo
56. "French Rupture" by Jacques Tutite
55. "Open the Robe" by Seymore Hair
54. "Slimy Bedsheets" by Ivan Jakinov
53. "Guide to Home Surgery" by Suture Self
52. "Slipping & Sliding" by Slick Dick
51. "Slam Dunking" by Dick Slick
50. "Bulimia for Beginners" by Chuck M. Up
49. "Blood on the Sheets" by Aunt Flow
48. "Bloody Hurdles" by Won Hung Lowe
47. "Blood on the Saddle" by Kotex Kid
46. "Running Bare" by Izzy Naked
45. "The Green Stream" by I.P. Pus
44. "Ejaculation" by Jack Mehoff
43. "Attack From Behind" by Ben Dover
42. "Oral Fantasy" by Neal & Bob
41. "Falling over the Mountain" by Ilene Dover
40. "Chinese Population Explosion" by Phuc Um Yung
39. "Got No Friends" by Bea O. Problem
38. "Trails In The Sand" by Peter Dragon
37. "How to Get Into Debt" by Over Charge
36. "The Revenge of the Tiger" by Claude Balls
"The Lion's Revenge" by Claude Balls
35. "The Human Brain" by Sarah Bellum
34. "Gay Men" by Homer Sexuall
33. "Holy Mattress" by Mr. Completely
32. "The Red River" by Anita Rag
31. "20 Years in Chinese Porno" by Wun Hung Guy
30 "The Rupture" by Wun Hung Low
29. "Sex with a Virgin" by Buster Cherry
28. "Piles in the Desert" by Squatin Leavit
"Miles and miles of little
brown piles" by Squat and Leavitt
27. "The Last Breath" by N. D. Agony
26. "The Great Bank Robbery" by I. Carrie Itoff
25. "The Romantic Ghost" by U. Will Lovitt
24. "Many Loves of Dracula" by A. Dora Neck
23. "The Abandoned House" by Rusty Gates
22. "The Day William Died" by Bill D. Coffin
21. "Sliding down the Flag Pole" by Dick Burns
20. "How to Pick up Girls" by I. M. Horney
19. "Proctology Made Easy" by Ilene Dover
18. "Quilting" by Oliver You
17. "You're Eyes and You" by I. C. Clearly
16. "Spectacles" by I. C. Clearly
15. "Under the Bleachers" by Seymore Butts
"Under The Grandstands" by Seymore Butts
14. "Brown Spots on the Wall" by Flung Dung & Flung Poo
13. "White Spots on the Wall" by Flung Cum
12. "Yellow River" by I. P. Freely
"Yellow River" by I. P. Daily
11. "Nutsack on the Fence" by One Hung Low
"Screaming Wildly" by Onehung Low
10. "Aerobics made easy" by Ben Hur Dover
9. "Antlers in the Treetops" by Who Goosed Moose
8. "Sinking Ships" by Captain Leadballs
7. "High Hurdles" by Mr. Numnuts
6. "Shorter Mini-skirts" by Seymour Heiny
5. "Running to the Outhouse" by Willie Makit
Forward by Betty Doant
"50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit
"100 Yards to the Outhouse" by Betty Wont
"50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Kenny Holdit
4. "Artificial People" by Frank N. Stein
3. "Spots On The Wall" by Pickett & Flickit
2. "Sex in the Vatican" by Ho Lee Phuk
1. "Rusty Bed-springs" by I. P. Nightly
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