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Books we'll never see

From: robnykvist@delphi.com (Robert Nykvist)

            Canonical Collection of  BOOKS  you'll Never Read
                        Last Updated: 10/17/94

201. "The Modern Woman"                         by     Ima Bitsh

200. "Gun Control"                              by     Bamm Bamm

199. "How to Get AIDS"                          by     Sharon Peters

198. "Beer Drinker's Guide"                     by     Ima Belcher

197. "Wet All Over"                             by     Rainy Skye

196. "Win the PMS Battle"                       by     Les Moody

195. "Hard Life in China"                       by     Rick Shaw

194. "I'm an Alcoholic"                         by     Denton Fenders

193. "Advertisments"                            by     Bill Bored

192. "Baker's Man"                              by     Patty Cake

191. "Her 72 HHH's"                             by     Max A. Mum

190. "Tiping the Outhouse"                      by     John Turner

189. "School Reader"                            by     C. Dick & Jane Ronn

188. "The Big Snitch"                           by     Ima Telling

187. "Fun Times in the Sleeping Bag"            by     Nap Sack

186. "The Art of Secret Dating"                 by     Rhonda Voo

185. "Temporary Secretary"                      by     Daisy Wheel

184. "The Great Fabrication"                    by     Paul E. Ester

183. "Upstream"                                 by     Sam N. Fishing

182. "Popping the BIG One"                      by     Mary Mepleeze

181. "The Pressure of running a Gas Station"    by     Aaron Datires

180. "Fill in the Box"                          by     Mark Detest

179. "The Art of Shoplifting"                   by     Phil Mypockets

178. "Miss Demeaner"                            by     Park Flasher

177. "Fishing Hole"                             by     Mike Hunt

176. "Suction Power of Prostitutes"             by     Haywood Jablomee

175. "I don't have no Drinkin Problem!"         by     Al Coholic

174. "My Dad's a Mortician"                     by     Phil Degraves

173. "Precious Meat"                            by     Sal Ami

172. "Fruity Sex"                               by     Ben D. Bannana

171. "Deep Secrets"                             by     Kant Tellem

170. "Medically Soothing Beverages"             by     Dr. Pepper

169. "Fly By Night Gift Distribution"           by     S. Claus

168. "Always Flooding"                          by     Miss S. Hippie

167. "Sex Drive"                                by     Myla Bido

166. "How Radio Works"                          by     Anne Tenna

165. "The Secretary Spread"                     by     Hugh Jass

164. "How to Gain Weight"                       by     Ima Hog

163. "Stinkin Fecal Matter"                     by     Seth Pool

162. "How we got to Bethlehem"                  by     Don Keys

161. "The Virgin Fag"                           by     Ty Tass

160. "How to make your Husband Happy"           by     Faye Korgasem

159. "Hot times with Hustler"                   by     Paige Turner

158. "Salad Dressings"                          by     Myra Culwhip

157. "How to Tell the Future"                   by     Chris Taball

156. "Magnificent Mounds of Mammary Mass"       by     Grand Peaks

155. "Halloween Activities"                     by     Bob N. Forapples

154. "Practicing the Fine Art of Sincerity"     by     Will E. Pulitof

153. "Budget Cuts for 1993"                     by     Bill Clinton

152. "The Electrocuted ChinaMan"                by     Me Fucke Walsocket

151. "The Ups and Downs of Sperm Banking"       by     Jack Ulate

150. "7 Days in the Saddle"                     by     Blue Balls

149. "Puddles On the Moon"                      by     P. Miles

148. "First One In"                             by     Buster Hymen

147. "Pain and Sorrow"                          by     Anne Guish

146. "Sunday Service"                           by     Neil Downe

145. "The Laser Weapon"                         by     Ray Gunn

144. "Fade Away"                                by     Peter Out

143. "Don't Wake The Baby                       by     Elsie Cries

142. "Pig-breeding"                             by     Lena Bacon

141. "Making Waterproof Clothes"                by     Anne O'Rack

140. "Baking Soda"                              by     Armund Hammer

139. "Ten Pins"                                 by     Mr Stike

138. "Bilious Attacks"                          by     Eva Lott

137. "Discipline in the Home"                   by     Wilma Child Begood

136. "Late Again"                               by     Misty Buss

135. "Kidnapped"                                by     Caesar Quick

134. "Are you a Millionaire?"                   by     Jonah Lott

133. "Karate for Beginners"                     by     Flora Mugger

132. "My Happiest Day"                          by     Trudy Light

131. "The Strongman"                            by     Everard Muscles

130. "Knocked for Six"                          by     Esau Stars

129. "The Worst Journey in the World"           by     Ellen Back

128. "The Japanese way of Death"                by     Harri Kari

127. "A Call for Assistance"                    by     Linda Hand

126. "Willie Win"                               by     Betty Wont

125. "The Arctic Ocean"                         by     I.C. Waters

124. "Don't Go Without Me"                      by     Isa Cummin

123. "Crime Does Not Pay"                       by     Laura Norder

122. "Constipation"                             by     Hunng Doo

121. "The Ruined Sheets"                        by     C. Menstains

120. "Circumcision"                             by     Dick Hertz

119. "Here I Come"                              by     R. U. Reddy

118. "Sand to Glass in 5 Seconds"               by     Saddem Hussein

117. "The Glass Brassier"                       by     Seymour Tit

116. "Life As a Double Amputee"                 by     Dick Dragon

115. "Sushi Sausage"                            by     Chu Long Dong

114. "Play It Safe"                             by     Justin Case

113. "Running Milk"                             by     I. Suckatit

112. "Elephant's Dong"                          by     Miles Long

111. "Cures For Impotence"                      by     Hugh E. Rection

110. "Puddles on the Moon"                      by     P.P. Longshot

109. "The Broken Bra Strap"                     by     Juan Hung Lo

108. "Traveling Insects"                        by   Bugs Oliver Windshield

107. "The Credit Card"                          by     Wright N. Bills

106. "Spring"                                   by     April N. May

105. "Honesty and Integrity in Nicaragua"       by     George Bush

104. "A Sale of Two Titties"                    by     Madam Lust

103. "Learn how to BBS in 57,176 easy steps"    by     Dr. Dos

102. "Keep off-topic messages out of echos"     by     Mod R. Ator

101. "How to Keep Very Old Furniture
      Looking as Good as New"                   by     Ann Teak

100. "How to Get Rid of Bullies"                by     Buzz Off

99.  "Professional Boxing"                      by     I. C. Stars

98.  "Vietnamese Cuisine Cooking"               by     Good Doggy

97.  "Avoid AIDS - Just Beat It"                by     Michael Jackson

96.  "PC Board Repairman"                       by     Solder Medic

95.  "Hawaiian Surfing"                         by     Swell Curls

94.  "Parachute Jumping"                        by     Rip Cord

93.  "The Danger of Hang Gliding"               by     Cliff Jumper

92.  "A Bolt of Lightning"                      by     Frank N. Stein

91.  "The Russian Rabbi"                        by     Ikan Kutchurpekkerof

90.  "Feel of Her Panties"                      by     N. Braille

89.  "Bite the Big One"                         by     Mary Will-Chokonet

88.  "Oral Sex Techniques"                      by     N. Onegulp
                                                     Elly May Swallow

87.  "AIDS in the '90's"                        by     Sharon MacHunt

86.  "Catholic School Girls"                    by     Sister Mae B. Ahore

85.  "Things Men like Women to Do"              by     Stroke McGroin

84.  "Incest is Best"                           by     Woody Allen

83.  "Husband In My Daughter"                   by     Mia Farrow

82.  "Things Women like Men to Do"              by     Lap Hurpussy

81.  "Assertiveness"                            by     May Bee

80.  "How to Kill Yourself"                     by     Pul D. Triger

79.  "The Life of a Prisoner"                   by     Iben Framed

78.  "How to Write a Will"                      by     Ben E. Factor

77.  "Crowd Control"                            by     General Panic

76.  "Explosives Made Easy"                     by     Stan Wellback
     "Explosives Made Easy"                     by     Click N. Boom

75.  "A Long Walk"                              by     Miss DeBus

74.  "Upset Dogs"                               by     Mr. Legs

73.  "What Irish people put in there back yard" by     Patty o' Furniture

72.  "Dark Olden Times"                         by     Knight Time

71.  "The Solar System"                         by     P. Lanets & Son

70.  "Greasing Your Chicken"                    by     Slick Chick

69.  "Look at all the Fucking Indians"          by     General Custer

68.  "Sweet Feminine Hygiene"                   by     Honey Uptwat

67.  "Alternatives to Sun Tanning"              by     Rub Shitonyou

66.  "Asstrological Proctology"                 by     Dr  Uranus

65.  "The Philosophy of Sex"                    by     Ophelia Kant

64.  "The Cunning Linguist"                     by     I. Liquoroff

63.  "Hit Below the Belt"                       by     Lord Howitt Hertz

62.  "Go to Hell"                               by     Hugo First

61.  "History of Russian Castrators"            by     Day Cutchorcockoff
     "Untitled Russian Tragedy"                 by     Whobit Chakokoff

60.  "The Polish Milkman"                       by     I. Pultitsky

59.  "The Man in the Bush"                      by     Rock Hard

58.  "The Hawaiian Rape"                        by     Kamanawanna Layanow

57.  "Chinese Hernia"                           by     Huan Hung Lo

56.  "French Rupture"                           by     Jacques Tutite

55.  "Open the Robe"                            by     Seymore Hair

54.  "Slimy Bedsheets"                          by     Ivan Jakinov

53.  "Guide to Home Surgery"                    by     Suture Self

52.  "Slipping & Sliding"                       by     Slick Dick

51.  "Slam Dunking"                             by     Dick Slick

50.  "Bulimia for Beginners"                    by     Chuck M. Up

49.  "Blood on the Sheets"                      by     Aunt Flow

48.  "Bloody Hurdles"                           by     Won Hung Lowe

47.  "Blood on the Saddle"                      by     Kotex Kid

46.  "Running Bare"                             by     Izzy Naked

45.  "The Green Stream"                         by     I.P. Pus

44.  "Ejaculation"                              by     Jack Mehoff

43.  "Attack From Behind"                       by     Ben Dover

42.  "Oral Fantasy"                             by     Neal & Bob

41.  "Falling over the Mountain"                by     Ilene Dover

40.  "Chinese Population Explosion"             by     Phuc Um Yung

39.  "Got No Friends"                           by     Bea O. Problem

38.  "Trails In The Sand"                       by     Peter Dragon

37.  "How to Get Into Debt"                     by     Over Charge

36.  "The Revenge of the Tiger"                 by     Claude Balls
     "The Lion's Revenge"                       by     Claude Balls

35.  "The Human Brain"                          by     Sarah Bellum

34.  "Gay Men"                                  by     Homer Sexuall

33.  "Holy Mattress"                            by     Mr. Completely

32.  "The Red River"                            by     Anita Rag

31.  "20 Years in Chinese Porno"                by     Wun Hung Guy

30   "The Rupture"                              by     Wun Hung Low

29.  "Sex with a Virgin"                        by     Buster Cherry

28.  "Piles in the Desert"                      by     Squatin Leavit
      "Miles and miles of little
      brown piles"                              by     Squat and Leavitt

27.  "The Last Breath"                          by     N. D. Agony

26.  "The Great Bank Robbery"                   by     I. Carrie Itoff

25.  "The Romantic Ghost"                       by     U. Will Lovitt

24.  "Many Loves of Dracula"                    by     A. Dora Neck

23.  "The Abandoned House"                      by     Rusty Gates

22.  "The Day William Died"                     by     Bill D. Coffin

21.  "Sliding down the Flag Pole"               by     Dick Burns

20.  "How to Pick up Girls"                     by     I. M. Horney

19.  "Proctology Made Easy"                     by     Ilene Dover

18.  "Quilting"                                 by     Oliver You

17.  "You're Eyes and You"                      by     I. C. Clearly

16.  "Spectacles"                               by     I. C. Clearly

15.  "Under the Bleachers"                      by     Seymore Butts
     "Under The Grandstands"                    by     Seymore Butts

14.  "Brown Spots on the Wall"                  by     Flung Dung & Flung Poo

13.  "White Spots on the Wall"                  by     Flung Cum

12.  "Yellow River"                             by     I. P. Freely
     "Yellow River"                             by     I. P. Daily

11.  "Nutsack on the Fence"                     by     One Hung Low
     "Screaming Wildly"                         by     Onehung Low

10.  "Aerobics made easy"                       by     Ben Hur Dover

 9.  "Antlers in the Treetops"                  by     Who Goosed Moose

 8.  "Sinking Ships"                            by     Captain Leadballs

 7.  "High Hurdles"                             by     Mr. Numnuts

 6.  "Shorter Mini-skirts"                      by     Seymour Heiny

 5.  "Running to the Outhouse"                  by     Willie Makit
                                       Forward  by     Betty Doant
     "50 Yards to the Outhouse"                 by     Willie Makeit
     "100 Yards to the Outhouse"                by     Betty Wont
     "50 Yards to the Outhouse"                 by     Kenny Holdit

 4.  "Artificial People"                        by     Frank N. Stein

 3.  "Spots On The Wall"                        by     Pickett & Flickit

 2.  "Sex in the Vatican"                       by     Ho Lee Phuk

 1.  "Rusty Bed-springs"                        by     I. P. Nightly

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