I'm glad I'm a woman

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN


I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.

  I don't live off Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
  I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
  I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
  I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown, and I know how
  to put the dammed toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I
  won't pinch your butt My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer
  gut, and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch or yell like
  Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch I don't belch in public, I
  don't scratch my behind I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that
  kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sin	 I don't have
  body hair like shag carpeting It doesn't grow from my ears or cover
  my back When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack And what's
  on my head doesn't leave with my comb I'll never buy a toupee to
  cover my dome, or have a few hair pull from over the side I'm a
  woman you know - I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think
  its a privilege for me to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
  I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball I don't swagger and
  spit like a Neanderthal I won't tell you my wife just does not
  understand, stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band, or
  tell you a story to make you sigh and weep then screw you, roll over
  and fall sound asleep! Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
  You can forget all about that old penis envy I don't long for male
  bonding, I don't cruise for chicks, join the Hair Club For Men, or
  think with my dick I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
  I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!