The medical computer

A man complained to his friends "My elbow really hurts.  I guess I should 
see a doctor.

His friend offered, "Don't do that!!!  There's a computer at the drug store 
that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor.  Simply put 
in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and 
tell you what you can do about it.  It costs only $10.00.

The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine 
sample and went to the drug store.  Finding the computer, he poured in the 
sample and deposited the $10.00.  The computer started making some noises 
and the various lights started flashing.  After a brief pause,
out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

     You have tennis elbow.
     Soak your arm in warm water.
     Avoid heavy labour.
     It will be better in two weeks.

Later that evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology was 
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this 
machine could be fooled.  He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine 
samples from his wife and daughter.  To top it off, he masturbated into the
concoction.  He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in 
the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

     Your tap water is too hard -- Get a water softener
     Your dog has worms -- Give him vitamins.
     Your daughter's on drugs -- Put her in rehab
     Your wife's pregnant  -- It ain't yours...Get a lawyer.
     And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.