A Dog Named Sex

A DOG NAMED SEX

        EVERYBODY WHO HAS A DOG CALLS HIM ROVER OR ROY. I CALL MINE SEX. HE'S
A GREAT PAL, BUT HE HAS CAUSED ME A GREAT DEAL OF EMBARRASSMENT.

        WHEN I WENT TO CITY HALL TO RENEW HIS DOG LICENSE, I TOLD THE CLERK I
WOULD LIKE A LICENSE FOR SEX. HE SAID, "I'D LIKE ONE, TOO!" THEN I SAID, "BUT
THIS IS A DOG." HE SAID HE DIDN'T CARE WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE. THEN I SAID,
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'VE HAD SEX SINCE I WAS NINE YEARS OLD." HE WINKED
AND SAID, "YOU MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE A KID."

        WHEN I GOT MARRIED AND WENT ON MY HONEYMOON, I TOOK THE DOG WITH ME.
I TOLD THE MOTEL CLERK THAT I WANTED A ROOM FOR MY WIFE AND ME AND A SPECIAL
ROOM FOR SEX. HE SAID, "YOU DON'T NEED A SPECIAL ROOM. AS LONG AS YOU PAY
YOUR BILL WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO." I SAID, "LOOK, YOU DON'T SEEM TO
UNDERSTAND. SEX KEEPS ME AWAKE AT NIGHT." THE CLERK SAID, "FUNNY - I HAVE THE
SAME PROBLEM."

        ONE DAY, I ENTERED SEX IN A CONTEST, BUT BEFORE THE COMPETITION
BEGAN, THE DOG RAN AWAY. ANOTHER CONTESTANT ASKED ME WHY I WAS JUST STANDING
THERE, LOOKING DISAPPOINTED. I TOLD HIM I HAD PLANNED TO HAVE SEX IN THE
CONTEST. HE TOLD ME I SHOULD HAVE SOLD MY OWN TICKETS. "BUT YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND," I SAID, "I HAD HOPED TO HAVE SEX ON TV." HE SAID, "NOW THAT
CABLE IS ALL OVER THE PLACE, IT'S NO BIG DEAL ANY MORE."

        WHEN MY WIFE AND I SEPERATED, WE WENT TO COURT TO FIGHT FOR CUSTODY
OF THE DOG. I SAID, "YOUR HONOUR, I HAD SEX BEFORE I WAS MARRIED." THE JUDGE
SAID, "THIS COURTROOM IS NOT A CONFESSIONAL. STICK TO THE CASE, PLEASE." THEN
I TOLD HIM THAT AFTER I WAS MARRIED, SEX LEFT ME. HE SAID THAT'S NOT UNUSUAL.
IT HAPPENS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

        LAST NIGHT, SEX RAN OFF AGAIN. I SPENT HOURS LOOKING AROUND TOWN FOR
HIM. A COP CAME OVER TO ME AND ASKED, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS ALLEY AT
4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING?" I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS LOOKING FOR SEX. MY CASE
COMES UP FRIDAY.