A day in the life of a Government agent

A day in the life of a Government agent.
By Vince Lortho

6:30 am -Wake up. Find out wife and kids have moved out again.
     
6:45 am -Get out of shower. Dry off gun. Get dressed in standard black
         suit. Check death threats on the Answer machine. Turn off
         all 6 six alarms (Infrared, Sonic, Heat, laser, magnetic,
         The club.

7:15 am -Disarm bomb in the refrigerator. Receive call from nut down
         the street that thinks you killed JFK.

8:00 am -Find suitcase, Cellular phone, and three concealed guns, head to
         work.

8:15 am -Get pulled over by anxious cop for going 90 in a 45. Pull out            
         badge, threaten cops job.

9:00 am -Arrive at work. Go through standard Retina Scans, Voice scan,
         DNA scan, Aura scan, Decoder ring.

9:30 am -Call UFO group- tell them that UFO's are going to attack planet
         tomorrow and throw in a couple Fake Project names.

10:00am -Meet with Boss who you call Mr. Black.  Get todays                       
         workload. 

10:30am -Call local pirate BBS. Download new Games. 

10:45am -Take photographs of some rich guy playing golf.
               
11:30am -Have interview with Counterspy Magazine. Tell them that you 
         and Proforce team MAJIC12 killed JFK and MLK.

12:00pm -Have lunch with the guys who did kill JFK and MLK.

1:00 pm -Install wire taps in high rise apartment building.
         Spend three hours listening to three way sex call.

4:00 pm -Find some normal inter-office memos and stamp
         TOP SECRET on them. Black out all lines except the date
         and "Project Privacy invasion" and leave in cab.

5:00 pm -Get home. Find out wife is back and taking all the furniture.
         Disarm bombs left by your kids and listen to death threats on
         the machine.

6:00 pm -Call nut down the street. Say some random date and hang up.

7:00 pm -Go on "Americas Most wanted" Pretend to take calls for an hour.
         Pick up $500 check. Go home.

8:00 pm -Shoot Russian Assassin in closet. Write some disinformation
         and go to sleep.