The Future

  Many years from now I will be in Eastern Pennsylvania trying to 
jumpstart my ole pickup by hooking it to the overhead electrical lines 
for the railroad (DC is DC, right?).  But, by mistake I will wire it 
positive to negative and vice versa, while having the Best of Country 
2002 playing on my CD player.  After 2700 volts went through the truck 
backwards, including the CD player, I have the following problems:

1.  My ex-wife thinks we're newlyweds, but she does look damn good again.
2.  My girlfriend is in sixth grade.
3.  My classic pickup is just another new truck.
4.  My old gentle sway-back mare is an unbroken filly.
5.  Clinton is president again.
6.  Bob Johnstone is the moderator of HUMOR.

There some advantages though:

1.  I am ten years ahead on child support.
2.  I know enough to bet against the Buffalo Bills in the next eleven
    Super Bowls.  BTW, restaurants will be required to display a picture
    of a red buffalo above instructions for the Heinlich Maneuver.
3.  The son of a bitch who will be my supervisor just got grounded for
    six months when I told his parents what he did while they left him at
    home during their vacation.
4.  I have fifteen years of Usenet Oracle knowledge.
5.  I just bought the rights to the Beavis and Butthead Flamethrowers
    and Incendiary Grenades, which will be the most popular retrospective
    X-mas toys of 2002, along with pet rocks.
6.  I know not to buy a HAL 2000 since it will be obsolete by 2002 when
    Intel announces its Sequicentenium chip which performs the Vulcan
    mind-meld with the user.
7.  I know what Stan Kneppar will get for his 110th birthday (lucky dog, 
    she will be built like a titanium outhouse.)
8.  I know what medical advances will be made.  Hello Fritos, brewskis,
    cheeseburgers, and cigarettes.  Goodbye exercise, moderation, safe
    sex, calorie counting and Hillary's Health Plan.
9.  But best of all, Rush is on the radio instead of in the White House.