X-MAS

-What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
         Claustrophobic.

-What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
         Pour Santa flush on him.

-What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
         Snowflakes.

-Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
         So he can ho-ho-ho.

-Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
         Because he had low elf esteem.

-What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
         Frostbite.

-What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
         Ribbon hood.

-The 3 stages of man:
    He believes in Santa Claus.
    He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
    He is Santa Claus.

-When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting
 clothes for Christmas.
                         ........

 It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked
 the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
 "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
 "That's no offense," said the judge.  "How early were you doing
 this shopping?"
 "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
                         ........

 T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
 Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
 They'd been work all week and needed the air.