Overheard in redneck heaven

----That ther bacon comes with the biscuits and gravy?

----Look- they got a picture of Elvis on the back of the shitter!

----So you're my father.

----Junior, you ready for the daily rat-shoot?

----That's the biggest raccoon I ever done seen!

----Whoo hoo pork and beans again.

----Excuse me officer, you been doin some drinkin'?

----I'd like to pay for that beer with my wife.  Of course,sir.

----Hey maw- they're playing Deliverance at the matinee again.

----Spam's on sale again honey!

----Pass me that there tatoo gun Jake.

----Wrestling's on again!

----That there old water heater is gonna make the perfect belt buckle!

----Ya mean ta tell me the blocks come with the truck?

----Get yer pappy a nice glass of moonshine fer his dinner.

----Sir, I'd be more than happy to take those dogs off yer hands.

----Of course sir the passenger seat gun rack comes standard on every 
model.

----Lookie here- free shirts and they already got the holes.

----Well officer the truth is I kinda like him beatin on me 

----Run off now and get yur family their government smokes

----There ain't even no lock on this here junkyard.

----These all mesh hats are the best thing ever done happened to me.

----Well ya see the kids tend to take care of themselves

----Which 24 hour nudie bar we gonna hit tonight Jed?

----Another beer over here for the Colonel Robert E. Lee