The Least Successful Piano Recital

        THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL PIANO RECITAL

        Early in the 1970s a promising American pianist gave a concert in
the chamber music room of the Erewan Hotel in Bangkok.  The recital was only
a few minutes old when the artist discovered that due to the climate's
excessive humidity the D key of the treble clef began to stick repeatedly.
As luck would have it, his programme comprised Bach's D minor Toccata and
Fugue and his prelude and Fugue in D major.

        The reviewer in the Bangkok Post also noted that there was a problem
with the piano stool which had been so enthusiastically greased that during
one of the more vigorous sections the pianist suddenly found himself
swivelling round to face the audience.

        Abandoning the Toccata in D minor, he moved on to Liszt's Fantasia
in G minor, at which point the G key of the bass clef also stuck.  To try
and free the notes the virtuoso started kicking the lower section of the
piano with his foot with the result that the piano's right leg soon gave way
and the whole instrument tilted through 35 degrees.

        At this point he rose, bowed and left the stage to audience
applause.  When he returned he had in his hand a fire axe with which he
began to demolish the piano.

        On hearing the resounding crash which followed, the ushers came
rushing in and, with the help of the hotel manager, two watchmen and a
passing policeman, finally succeeded in disarming the man and dragging him
off stage.