Wierd & wonderful '95

		Its time to greet the new year with a toast to the wierd and wonderful
stories that graced the world's headlines in 1995.

		Animals, as usual, grabbed the limelight.
		Flatulent pigs caused a near -disasater when their wind forced a South
African Airways flight to turn back. A build-up of methane from 72
stud porkers set off fire alarms in the hold.
		A dog caused British bobbies to break into a house with sledgehammers
after it knocked over a telephone and dialled Britain's emergency 999
number. The owner forgave the dog but wanted the police to help pay
for a new door.
		A French cat, meanwhile, disliked its new home in Marseilles and
walked across the French Riveria back to Nice, 200 km away.

		Elsewhere, human foibles made news.
		To the irritation of his real wife, a British man "married" his guitar
in a ceremony performed by a friend. The bride, a Fender Stratocaster,
did not get a honeymoon.
		Divorce for the former Miss Stratocaster would presumably be an easier
affair than for the hapless ex-wife of another Briton who literally
carved up the property -- including the dining table and the porch --
at his former spouse's home. He was sent to prison for 12 months.
		Across the atlantic, Florida surgeons were apparently also worried
about too much carving. After they removed the wrong foot from a
patient, the hospital ordered that limbs to be left alone should be
marked with a clear "no".
		Still in the world of medicine, one of the strangest findings came
from American researchers who said sperm sniffed their way to eggs to
fertilise them. The researchers reckoned that if they could put the
sperm off the scent, they would have a new contraceptive.
		A Brazillian Aids awareness campaign had to change the name of its
spokesman -- a talking penis named Braulio -- after angry protests
from people with the same name. "Buddy" was suggested as a possible
alternative.
		A Kenyan politician suggested a way to dispose of bodies in hospitals
with no mortuaries might be to let hyenas do the job.

		Luck was not kind to a number of people this year.
		In Brazil,a chubby would-be prison escapee got caught -- stuck in the
hole he was trying to wriggle out of.
		An American woman was arrested trying to break in to a prison. She
wanted to see a friend.
		Argentine police burst into an old people's home and arrested a 98
year old woman they believed to be a drug-peddlar . She had been
mistaken for someone of the same name but somewhat younger.
		Thieves at a southern German department store kept choosing the wrong
target. The store's manager, a marathon runner , chased down at least
five of them on separate occasions.
		Justice caught up with Britain's unluckiest traveller, a man who
claimed to have lost his luggage nearly every time he flew. After
claiming more than US$135,000 for lost or damaged bags over two years,
he got 18 months for insurance fraud.
		In Hong Kong, a man who tried to rob a bank by dousing himself and the
bank floor in kerosene was apprehended after his lighter would not
work.

		Not everyone had a bad year.

		As a sign of hope for the future , hats off at New Year, please, to
the British cleric who finally passed his driving test -- after 632
lessons, US $7,800 in fees, eight instructors and five crashed
cars.Mixing up the clutch and brake was the problem, he said.