P.C. office memo

              MEMORANDUM TO ALL OFFICE MANAGERS AND PERSONNEL

                 Subject:  Decorating Offices for Christmas

We have been informed by the Office of Health, Education, and
Welfare, that a White Christmas would be in violation of Title II
of the Civil Rights act of 1964, as amended.  Therefore, the
following steps are to be taken to insure that we comply with the
Act during the Christmas Season in the offices:

  a.  All Christmas trees must have at least 23.4% colored bulbs
and they  must be placed throughout the tree and not segregated
in the back of the tree.

  b.  Christmas presents cannot be wrapped in white paper. 
However, interim approval can be given if colored ribbon is used
to tie them.

  c.  If a manger scene is used, 20% of the angels and one out of
the Three Kings must be of a minority race.

  d.  If Christmas music is played, "We Shall Overcome" must be
given equal time.  Under no circumstances is "I'm Dreaming of a
White Christmas" to be played.

  e.  Care should be taken in party planning.  For example:
    1)  Use Pink champagne instead of white.
    2)  Turkey may be served, but only if the white and dark meat
are on the same platter.  There will be no separate but equal
platters permitted.
    3)  Use chocolate royale ice cream instead of vanilla.
    4)  Both chocolate and white milk must be served.  There will
be no freedom of choice plan.  Milk must be served without regard
to color.

A team from HEW will visit us on December 24th to determine our 
compliance with the Act.  If it snows on Christmas Eve, we are in
a hell of a lot of trouble.