redneck xmas

Christmas At The Redneck Household   By Sandy Illes

It was really hard gettin' a good fire goin' for
Santa, but we managed to do it by settin' a few
crates burnin' in the middle of the livin' room.
The kids began cryin' when the tree caught fire but
we just told 'em that Santa would leave an extra
round of ammo in their stockings. That cheered 'em
up a whole lot.

We left out the traditional plate of chewin' tobacco
and a shot of moonshine for the old fat guy. We sure
could never figure out why the old guy had the face
of a cherub and the body of Delta Burke.

In the morning, we had to rush out to the highway to
find us some dinner. Luckily, we found a deer and
brought it home in the back of the pickup. The
missus commenced to preparin' the meat while I went
to see what was happenin' with the kids.

Well, they were just delighted with the gifts they
received. Larry had gotten two rounds of ammo and a
new sock that matched the one he got last year;
Darryl got two rounds of ammo and a real live
spider; the other Darryl got two rounds of ammo and
a toothbrush (although Lord knows why he asked for
one - he ain't got no teeth!).

It was just a grand old day, what with the kids
shootin' at each other and the dogs. Spot was killed
so we put him in the freezer for tomorrow night's
supper.

When we sat down to eat, I didn't expect what Larry
said. He said, "We're not going to eat Rudolph, are
we???"

Well, whaddya know - the deer we'd found on the road
was a reindeer and none other than Rudolph the
red-nosed reindeer, at that!

He tasted delicious!