46 Things That Never Happen on Star Trek

If you want to see more jokes like this one point your Web Browser at: 

http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/~yang/jokes/joke.html

I have been collecting jokes for three years now, and I have picked out
the funniest ones and archived them on my web page.  Hope you stop by...


46 Things That Never Happen on Star Trek


    1.The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it
has encountered several
       times before.

    2.The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists,
who are all perfectly all
       right.

    3.The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called
Paradise, where
       everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon
revealed to be exactly as it
       seems.

    4.The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which
later turns out to be a
       rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.

    5.The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found
       in the well-stocked sick-bay.

    6.An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprise's
       computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right
leads.

    7.A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the
       highly-trained and competent engineering staff.

    8.A power surge on the Bridge is fails to electrocute the user of a
computer panel, due to a
       highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a
'fuse'.

    9.The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another
without serious incident.

   10.The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence
which does not put them
       on trial.

   11.The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.

   12.The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous
situation, and there
       are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

   13.The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence
which they easily pacify by
       offering it some sweeties.

   14.The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which
is in some way
       unconnected with the 20th century.

   15.Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.

   16.A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
fortunately some other
       ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.

   17.The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.

   18.The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny, day.

   19.An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is
discovered without anyone
       noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a
fundamental shift of power
       throughout the quadrant."

   20.A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without
a single malfunction
       trapping him/her there.

   21.Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."

   22.Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!

   23.Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."

   24.Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.

   25.Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.

   26.Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate
Pulaski show up and
       disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetty?! Did
he serve you
       poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"

   27.When Worf tells the bride officers that something is entering visual
range no one says "On
       screen."

   28.Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to
one of the
       Enterprise's hails.

   29.Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done
in "Deja Vu" then we
       could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).

   30.Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy
git, and
       consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age for a change.

   31.Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we know
it, and EVERYONE
       is grateful (including the Net).

   32.The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves
out after a while
       without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.

   33.Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better
than ever.

   34.Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having
a hot flush and
       getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.

   35.Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.

   36.Data falls in love with the replicator.

   37.Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits,
and isn't tragically
       separated from her at the end of the episode.

   38.The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
people which is made a
       great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.

   39.An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to
tell the tale.

   40.Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being
able to understand the
       most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says
to him.

   41.Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.

   42.Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk
DOESN'T get into a
       fistfight...)

   43.Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she
doesn't sacrifice herself
       for him.

   44.Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics

   45.Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack
by alien race/etc!!
       due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and
thus he cannot save the
       day.

   46.The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability
to understand the
       joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.