Animal Jokes

Animals

1. What’s worse than having a dead skunk on your piano?	Having a sick
beaver on your organ.
2. What do you call a dog with three legs?	Tippy.
3. Why can’t they find a cure for AIDS?	They can’t get the mice to
buttfuck.
4. What do beer nuts and deer nuts have in common?	They are both
under a buck.
5. What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?	“Heyyyy,
we do taste like chicken!”
6. What goes “Marc, Marc”?	A dog with a hair lip.
7. What goes “Nort, Nort”?	A bull with a cleft palate.
8. There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope, what’s the other
one doing?	Sniffing crack.
9. What do you get when you cross a female deer and a pickle?	A dildoe.
10. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?	They both like a
tight seal.
11. What is the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits your
windshield?	Its asshole.
12. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?	Two.
13. What do elephants use for condoms?	Blimps.
14. What do elephants use for tampons?	Sheep.
15. What do you do when you come across an elephant?	Wipe it off.
16. What do you get when you cross a Pollack and a monkey?	Nothing. 
A monkey is too smart to fuck a Pollack.
17. What do you call a cow with no legs?	Ground beef.
18. What do you call a dog with no legs?	It doesn’t matter what you
call him, he can’t come.
19. What can you do with a do with no legs?	Take him for a drag.
20. What do you call a dog with real short legs and steel testicles?
Sparky.
21. What is green and smells like pork?	Kermit’s finger.
22. What’s green and red and goes 1000 miles per hour?	Kermit the Frog in
a blender.
23. What’s the difference between a hog and a man?	A hog doesn’t have
to sit in a bar and  buy drinks all night just so he can fuck some pig.
24. What do you get when you cross a rooster with peanut butter?	A
cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
25. Why does a dog lick his balls?	Because he can.
26. Why does a dog lick his balls?	Nope, not because he can, well,
because he can, but mostly because he can’t make a fist.
27. Why does a dog lick his ass?	Because he knows he will be
licking your face in about 5 minutes.
28. What is the difference between a dog and a fox?	About 5 drinks.
29. How does a cat commit suicide?	He shoots himself in the head nine
times.
30. What is the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pit
bull humping your leg?	 You let the pit bull finish.
31. What do you call a bull that is playing with himself?	Beef
strokenoff.