Top 38 Ways to Kill Barney the Dinosaur.
Collected, assembled, but not written by email@example.com.
Note: This page is intended as humour only. Violence
in real life against Barney the Dinosaur (or any other fictional character) is NOT condoned by the author, the
contributors, or any associates of the author.
- Make him watch his own show.
- Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until he closely
resembles Picasso's "Guernica".
- Donate his body to science...early.
- Well, just call my cousins Guido and Vinnie and tell them that
you kinda placed $200 in a bag under the rock in the
park.... mention the fact that you would _love_ to have Barney's
knee-caps as conversation pieces.
- Have him magically turn the classroom into a vacuum ... watch
his body explode.
- Strip off his flesh, bury the bones in your back yard, and
then dig them up, a piece at a time, selling them to your nearest
natural history museum. A complete dinosaur skeleton would be
worth a fortune! Death to Barney for fun AND profit!
- Sew his lips to his rectum.
- Make him a referee in an NHL game.
- Put him in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in
his mouth and then beat his ass with a jagged piece of metal until
- Dip him in tar (anything sticky will do), cover him with
hundred-dollar bills and throw him into a pit full of lawyers...
- Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey.
- Use him for testing Ginsu knives with Mrs. Bobbitt helping
- Get him to neuter a Pit-Bull Terrier.
- Plutonium enema.
- Send him to Miami in a rented car.
- Move the set of the show to an actual inner-city classroom.
- Let him take a New York Subway at night.
- Make him hug Madonna. (When she's wearing her pointy bra)
- Tie him up like a piñata and have small Mexican children
beat him to death.
- Tie him down in a chair and force him to listen to country
music, until even *HE* goes insane with all the sap!
- Tell him Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and he should tell it to
- 100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault.
- Send him to a country western bar and let him play heavy
- Make him run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total)
- Inject him with all the chemicals that go into Hostess
- Nitroglycerine suppository
- Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
- Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun.
- Acupuncture with a nail gun
- OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while
- Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
- Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be
worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label)
- Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
- Send him to Montreal wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey.
- Send him to Cuba with a T-shirt saying "Fidel Sucks"
- Put him on a NYC subway without an weapon
- Strap him to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into
an iron maiden.
- Shove his head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:".
Selected Responses and comments about this page
Quick Link to Canonical List - (List of 266 ways)
Want more death & destruction of the one who dances badly? Why not check out these fine pages:
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Barney has been killed times.
Last Update: August 10th 1996
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© 1993-1996 James Terhune
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