Top 38 Ways to Kill Barney the Dinosaur.

Official Site.
Collected, assembled, but not written by q83q@unb.ca.

Note: This page is intended as humour only. Violence in real life against Barney the Dinosaur (or any other fictional character) is NOT condoned by the author, the contributors, or any associates of the author.


  1. Make him watch his own show.
  2. Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until he closely resembles Picasso's "Guernica".
  3. Donate his body to science...early.
  4. Well, just call my cousins Guido and Vinnie and tell them that you kinda placed $200 in a bag under the rock in the park.... mention the fact that you would _love_ to have Barney's knee-caps as conversation pieces.
  5. Have him magically turn the classroom into a vacuum ... watch his body explode.
  6. Strip off his flesh, bury the bones in your back yard, and then dig them up, a piece at a time, selling them to your nearest natural history museum. A complete dinosaur skeleton would be worth a fortune! Death to Barney for fun AND profit!
  7. Sew his lips to his rectum.
  8. Make him a referee in an NHL game.
  9. Put him in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in his mouth and then beat his ass with a jagged piece of metal until he screams.
  10. Dip him in tar (anything sticky will do), cover him with hundred-dollar bills and throw him into a pit full of lawyers...
  11. Bury all but his head in an anthill. Cover with honey.
  12. Use him for testing Ginsu knives with Mrs. Bobbitt helping out.
  13. Get him to neuter a Pit-Bull Terrier.
  14. Plutonium enema.
  15. Send him to Miami in a rented car.
  16. Move the set of the show to an actual inner-city classroom.
  17. Let him take a New York Subway at night.
  18. Make him hug Madonna. (When she's wearing her pointy bra)
  19. Tie him up like a piñata and have small Mexican children beat him to death.
  20. Tie him down in a chair and force him to listen to country music, until even *HE* goes insane with all the sap!
  21. Tell him Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and he should tell it to the Teamsters.
  22. 100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault.
  23. Send him to a country western bar and let him play heavy metal. (reversible)
  24. Make him run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total)
  25. Inject him with all the chemicals that go into Hostess Twinkies.
  26. Nitroglycerine suppository
  27. Barney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
  28. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun. 'after burners?')
  29. Acupuncture with a nail gun
  30. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
  31. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
  32. Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label)
  33. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
  34. Send him to Montreal wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey.
  35. Send him to Cuba with a T-shirt saying "Fidel Sucks"
  36. Put him on a NYC subway without an weapon
  37. Strap him to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into an iron maiden.
  38. Shove his head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:".

Selected Responses and comments about this page
Quick Link to Canonical List - (List of 266 ways)

Want more death & destruction of the one who dances badly? Why not check out these fine pages:

==--The Jihad to Destroy Barney homepage
==--More Barney Text & Sound files
==--Tobor's Page
==--The Official Newsgroup
==--Another Newsgroup
==--Yet Another Newsgroup


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Barney has been killed times.
Last Update: August 10th 1996
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© 1993-1996 James Terhune
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